Welcome to the World, Sawyer Matthias Folden!

Sawyer's birthday was planned... It was scheduled when I was still pregnant. December 1, 2011 at 7:30 AM, Sawyer was to be delivered via cesarean. There were no contractions, no water breaking, no urgent need to get to the hospital. Similar to Mackenna's arrival, I had some expectations. I expected to have a repeat cesarean. I expected that I would be nervous. I expected that I would feel "out of it" for the delivery. I expected that it would be painful to get up and going that first time I did. Didn't I learn anything from Mackenna's birth story? Don't have expectations!! Once again, God worked. And this time, the unexpected was a welcome blessing.

While I expected to be nervous about the cesarean, I didn't expect to have full-blown panic attacks and severe anxiety for two weeks before the surgery. How was this a blessing? Well, it was a blessing because God worked. God worked in my heart, showing me how deep my sin of anxiety truly is. He is still working now, six weeks postpartum, as I still battle anxiety daily. What is different this time versus all of the other times that anxiety has plagued me? Well, this time God isn't taking away my fears, He isn't givng me instant relief for my anxious thoughts. This time, I am praying that God will help me grow through this time of anxiety so that in the future my battles with anxiety will be shorter-lived or, dare I hope, non-existant!

I didn't expect for Sawyer to fit in so well and so quickly into our family. I was expecting a long, akward time of figuring out how to be a familiy of four. I expected to have to teach Mackenna to be gentle with her baby brother. I didn't expect for her to fall in love with him just like Dustin and I did! I didn't expect for her to be so gentle, kind, and loving towards "Wer wer," as she calls him. I didnt' expect that I could love Sawyer just as much as I love Mackenna. But I can! A good friend once explained adding to your family like this... "It's like God gives you a new heart to love each child you have!" So, so very true! While we have had our good and bad days, most days are good and every day I am becoming more and more thankful for the amazing blessings that God has showered on us.

Lessons I've Learned From My Daughter

A motherly instinct is developed early in a little girl's heart.

In a pinch, a dryer sheet works quite well for a baby doll's blanket.

You are never to young to be "dolled up" with a smidgen of lip gloss.

A daughter's heart belongs to her daddy... forever.

Trucks, cars, and balls are not "boy" toys.

There's nothing as exciting as Daddy coming home.

There is always time to read. I have not once regretted letting Mackenna jump into my lap with a book and enjoying the story with her.

I throw just as many temper tantrums as my daughter, I just have slightly more self-control so they aren't as obvious.

Switching laundry, dusting, and emptying the dishwasher can be fun when my little helper is with me!

Just because there was no nap to be had doesn't mean the day is ruined. Sometimes the no-nap days are the most special because we end up snuggling up on the couch with a sippy cup of milk watching "Elmo" (aka Sesame Street).

Laughter is the best medicine and boy, do I have a little girl that likes to make her mommy laugh!

Dipping sauces make meal times more fun... and messy!

If I clap or cheer once, I better be ready to clap and cheer every time she does whatever it is I clapped and cheered for!

Just because she says, "OBEY!" with a smile and giggle doesn't mean she is actually excited about obeying. But, we're getting there!

It's the simple things in life that bring the most joy. Puppies, butterflies, flowers, and the wind sweeping across her face bring a bigger smile and wider eyes than any new toy ever would. Hands down!

And most importantly, love grows. Love grows every day. Little by little it grows. And some days your heart is so full that tears well up in  your eyes and you find yourself in awe that God loves us even more than we could ever love our own children. And you marvel at the fact that He would willingingly send His Son, whom He loves more than we love our own children, to suffer and die for such wicked sinners as ourselves. And you are humbled, speechless, and overwhelmed with thanksgiving.

Immanuel, God with Us

One night last week my daughter, Mackenna, woke up after what appeared to be a nightmare. She awoke suddenly and her cry indicated that she was afraid, terrified even, and without hesitation Dustin rushed to her room. He soothed her, sang to her, and reassured her that everything was ok. After a few minutes he laid her back down, but within seconds her cries filled the air again. This time it was my turn.

While I held Mackenna, a memory was brought to my mind of the time that we spent with her in the NICU during her first few days of life. While I spent my days with her as she received antibiotics for the infection she was fighting, I wrote her a little lullaby that I would sing when she was hooked up to her IV's and I couldn't hold her. It goes something like this, "Oh Mackenna, Oh Mackenna, you're ok, my baby girl. Oh Mackenna, Oh Mackenna, you're ok, my baby girl. Mommy's here, mommy's here, you're ok my baby girl. Mommy's here, mommy's here, you're ok my baby girl." I would sing this little tune sometimes for twenty minutes. The message was clear, "I am here, you are mine, and you are ok."

After reliving this precious memory, I began to once again sing the song that I had sung to my darling daughter during her first few days of being in this world. And she calmed down. It was a special moment that we shared. I knew that she remembered the song. I could tell by the way she quieted down, her body relaxed, she snuggled closer into my arms, and she drifted back to sleep. She just needed to be reminded that I was there, she was mine, and she was ok.

And then God opened my eyes to see a truth that I so desperately needed last week. I have been pretty anxious about the upcoming delivery of our son, Sawyer. I am scheduled to have a cesarean next Thursday, December 1st. Facing surgery is a bit scary to me. Being awake during surgery is a bit scary to me. I have felt like a scared child the past few weeks. And I was keeping it all to myself. Sure, I would admit to family and close friends that I was a bit nervous. But I was more than a bit nervous, I was terrified. But then God, through this memory, shifted my focus. He convicted my heart and reminded me that when I am afraid I need to cry out to Him, just like Mackenna cries out for me and Dustin when she is afraid. And then He reminded me that He is with me and I am His. It was like He was singing me a lullaby and I quieted down, my body relaxed, I snuggled closer into His arms, and felt His peace.

Matthew 1:23 says, "The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means 'God with us')."

God is a personal God. He is not a distant father who shows up for birthdays or special occasions. He's sensitive to His children. He loves us. We know He loves us because He sent Jesus Christ to make it possible for our relationship with Him to be restored. Our sin makes us His enemy, but He wants to be with us, so He made a way for us to be at peace with Him. When we trust Christ as our Savior we become His children. He is with us and we are His. What peace and joy that brings. His wrath is no longer upon us. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ. The lullaby of the gospel soothes our souls and allows us to rest in the peace that only God can give, the peace that surpasses all understanding!

What's this blog all about?

Ideas for blog posts flood my mind on a regular basis. I have so many thoughts that I would love to put down on paper. But, amidst the flood of ideas, I am forced to ask myself the question, "Is it relevant?" When that question comes up you have to have a goal in mind to answer it correctly. If you don't have a goal, or a standard, the relevancy of a certain topic becomes mute. So, in this moment of reflection, I realized that my goals for this blog, my theme if you will, has not been clearly articulated, nor have my posts created any sort of hint of unity. And so, here I am to clarify what this blog is all about.

The title I have chosen for this blog is Helper by Design. It's inspired by a book written by Elyse Fitzpatrick with the same title. The book is about how to be a godly wife to your husband. To be honest, I've not completed the book, but what I have read is AMAZING, much like all of her other books. Although that is what inspired the title of this blog, I would like a much broader theme than just to write posts about helping my husband. As I have learned more and more about the role that God has designed for women, it has become clear to me that we are created to be helpers, not only to our husbands, but to everyone God places in our lives. We have been designed to nurture, foster ideas, come up with creative solutions to problems, sympathize with others distress, celebrate with other's successes, and help each other as we journey through this life.

With that in mind, I will write posts that are designed to help. Some may be stories about my children (to help lift the grandparent's spirits). Some may be sharing truth that I have learned while spending time with God. Some may be extremely practical (i.e. learning to cook once a month, getting a good deal at Target, etc). But all will be written with a heart that desires to fulfill the purpose that God has given me: to help.

Through this I pray that God would be glorified and many would be edified!

"Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" Psalm 115:1

Peace

"Peace, You give me peace when the storms come and I'm afraid. Peace, You give me peace when I trust in the words You say. You give me peace."

These words are the lyrics of a children's song by Sovereign Grace Music on the album shown below.



To Be Like Jesus

This album is one of my favorites of "Mackenna's music." But, I must confess, this morning I wanted to listen to it while I was getting ready, despite the fact that Mackenna was napping and the melodies and lyrics would not be reaching her ears. As I was getting ready, the above quoted lyrics hit my heart...hard. These lyrics prompted me to do a quick Biblical word study on "peace." Here are a few of the verses that stood out to my heart.

"But he was wounded for our transgressions;he was crushed for our iniquities;upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed,but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,"says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

"For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6

Peace.

We all want it. We all search for it. We all strive for it.

But how often do we actually experience it?

Far too often we look for peace in the wrong places. {Disclaimer- I am guilty of this just as much as anyone else} When I am having a stressful day, where do I go for peace? Starbucks, maybe? The television, the mall, the refrigerator (or freezer)? I think our downfall comes from our lack of understanding of what peace truly is and where we can go to get it. One verse that really stood out among the others for me was John 14:27.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

God gives peace. The peace that the world offers is dramatically different than the peace that God gives. This verse clearly distinguishes that God's peace is given to us not as the world's peace is given to us. Peace we achieve from worldly pleasures is fleeting and more often than not results in guilt and further unrest. So, where do we get the peace that God offers?

The Bible. His Word. Christ.

"But he was wounded for our transgressions;he was crushed for our iniquities;upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

The peace that our soul aches for is a peace that comes only by accepting Christ as our Savior. It comes from admitting that our hearts are wicked, desperately dark and sinful, and accepting the fact that we are helpless to change that in our own strength. In this dark place is where humility is fostered and Christ's light can shine and lead us to a place of repentance and trust in Him. And there, in that moment, He gives us peace. The peace that our soul aches for comes only through peace with our Creator, against whom we  have rebelled and by whom we deserve to be punished. We all know this deep down in our hearts. We know we are created beings and we know we will be held accountable for our transgressions. The Bible tell us that.

^"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened." Romans 1:18-21

But God does not leave us there. He draws us to himself and rather than pouring His wrath upon us, he offers us peace through faith in Him.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

Peace will never be found in an Iced Carmel Machiato (one of my favorites). It will never be found in a clean house, a perfectly planned schedule, or a well-behaved child. True peace will only and always be found in Christ. In trusting Him for salvation and then trusting His word in every life circumstance. Is your 16 month old whining, fussing, and refusing to nap? You can have peace knowing that you are at peace with God and this circumstance will give you the opportunity to become more like Christ by showing patience, gently teaching, and loving unconditionally.

My prayer is this: For those of you reading this who have a relationship with Jesus, I pray that you would experience His peace every day by spending time with Him in His Word and prayer. For those of you who may be reading this who don't know if you have ever trusted Christ as your Savior, whose souls are noisy or fearful, I pray that you would not go another day without God's peace. It is available to all who will believe, through Christ alone. 

" 'Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.' Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' " John 14: 1, 6

For further reading: Two Ways to Live

Questions? Send me an email, I'd love to talk to you more about God's peace.

trishafolden@gmail.com

Creating Order in the Chaos

I don't know about you, but I am a very organized, schedule oriented, planning type of person. Before having a child the life I led was quite simple to organize, schedule, and plan. Enter Mackenna Grace Folden. My precious daughter is a lot like me in many ways. She is stubborn, knows how to charm her daddy, smiles at all the right times, likes to make people laugh... but organized, scheduled, or planned - she is not.

For the first four months of her life I skated by with the "new mommy adrenaline" and an excitement to finally be a stay-at-home working mom. :-) Then the chaos began to get to me. At first I noticed a slight anxiety creeping up inside me. Anxiety quickly turned into anger and annoyance, which are neither very attractive character traits. Then came the realization that my life would never be the same and God wanted it that way. The balance between trusting God and making choices to "create" order in my life was a tough concept for me to grasp. While it's true that God is a God of order, He has allowed this amazing little life to create some chaos in my life. What was He teaching me?

Through much thought, I believe that God is teaching me that I am NEVER in control of my life, no matter how orderly, neat, and scheduled it may look like from the outside. He is also teaching me how to become more like Him in spite of chaos. What choices can I make to "create" order out of chaos, while still behaving Christ-like when life happens and my plans are blown out of the water. How am I doing with this, you might ask? Well, not so great on most days, but I am ever-so-slowly learning. I can have a schedule but I must always remember that people are infinitely more important than following a schedule. I can discipline according to God's word, knowing that, like me, Mackenna is a slow learner and I need to be patient, not frustrated if it's taking her a while to learn a concept. I can be consistent, by God's grace alone, to provide a stable, secure, and loving household for my children and husband. I can spend time in God's Word and in prayer, gleaning wisdom and counsel from the perfect example of a parent who creates order out of His children's chaos. And for this, I am so thankful and humbled. Praise God!

More of This... Less of That

From time to time I like to reflect on whether or not my life is a picture of God's redemptive power. Often times I find that I fall ashamedly short. God has been using that time of reflection to help motivate me to make changes to better glorify Him. And so, I've compiled a list of small changes that I would like to make in my life. I think these changes will please God and help me find my joy in Him and my salvation rather than the things of this earth. Some of these will be easier than others. All of them will require me to depend on God's grace and strength to help me change my natural way of thinking and doing. I am SO thankful that I can know, without a doubt, that God stands ready to help me become more holy. What an amazingly patient, loving, and wise Father!

More time in God's Word and in communication with Him... Less time doing whatever I feel like doing.

More exercise & activity... Less laziness.

More respect & love towards my husband... Less of a critical attitude.

More time reading to and playing with Mackenna... Less "me" time.

More thoughts focused on Christ & others... Less concern for myself.

More thankfulness... Less complaining.

More cooking healthy meals at home... Less eating out.

More giving and saving... Less spending.

More reading... Less T.V.

More early bedtimes & early wake-ups... Less late nights and snooze button mornings.

More of God... Less of me.